Muschamp Rd

A few email excerpts

Marlene Lau, March 7th 2005

I too don’t want you to be the creepy guy that I must avoid in the lounge.

Gary Lau, April 17th 2005

Please keep up the e-mails so I know how you are doing.

Erin Walsh, April 22nd 2005

I just thought that you might like to know that you aren’t alone in
this. I’m sure many of us are feeling or have felt this way.

Gary Lau, April 22nd 2005

It kills me that everything has gone down the way it has. Your posting should help a lot in that a day doesn’t go by when someone asks me what’s wrong with you and how they can help. You are right when you say that almost everyone is behind you. I’m absolutely positive that everyone if they knew the truth would stick by you and try to help.

Wendy Chang, April 23rd 2005

Again, if I can help you in any way, please let me know.

Irene Leung, April 25th 2005

I just really want you to know that you have all my support. If I can ever be of help in any way, give me a shout!

James Chang, May 11 2005

Anyway, I know how you must feel when all your efforts
are not being recognized. But what makes me persevere
is to give others the benefit of the doubt, figure out
ways to get my vision across, and try again. Don’t
give up! If your plan isn’t working, ask for advice
from others to see how you can re-strategize. Perhaps
people’s perceptions are wrong, which you have to
rectiviy somehow. It isn’t easy, but recognizing that
there is a problem is the first step. I really do
think that you are well intentioned. Don’t lose faith
in others!

Sverre Panduro, May 22nd 2005

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do
nothing”

Edmund Burke

I haven’t heard from any of these people in months, things are still not better there is only sorrow and solitude, day after day, night after night.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, July 1st, 2006 at 4:18 am filed under: Depression, MBA, Sauder. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • Why did all you people lie to me? To my face? In writing? Knowing how broken I was? Knowing how much I'd already been hurt? Knowing I'd been threatened? Been punished? Knowing that I dropped out? Knowing that I tried to kill myself? Knowing everything and pretending to know nothing!

    Why did you people do it?

    Why hurt someone so much, someone you insisted was your friend, someone you insisted you would do anything to try and help? Why ignore them month after month, year after year, leaving them alone to die?

    Why?

    I always told you people the truth, I always went out of my way to help you! You used me, deceived me, hurt me, over and over and over, it's been almost four years and still I'm all alone, still broken, and crying uncontrollably?

    What were you people thinking? What possible logic justifies hurting someone so much for so long? You people knew exactly what you were doing, you just kept lying, kept using me, kept pretending to know nothing. You just went off to party and left me crying uncontrollably on the floor?

    Why?
  • Today has been a bad day Darlene. I shouldn't have read your email...

    I don't need more empty sentiment and clichés, I need things to be better. I really need things to be better.

    Too many people have said things to me they didn't mean, at least not enough to act. Were these words our clasmates wrote me ever true? Were they true for even two weeks, let alone two years.

    Two Years!

    Two years of no answers, no hope, no respite. Two years of things not getting better.

    Why?

    I always told the truth. I've always wanted things to be better. But all the emails I wrote after one in late February or early March 2005 were superfluous all my blog postings after the first redundant.

    People still don't believe me, they don't care, they don't want things to be better and they definitely haven't been a friend.
  • I don't understand.

    It is just rude to ignore someone by not replying to their email. Yet people, classmates, "friends", continue to do just that. No one can complain about my unwillingness to talk when so many have treated me so poorly.

    I think it has been revealed by now, that ignoring me, hoping I will just go away, and spontaneously get better hasn't proven effective.

    Not answering emails, a lack of communication, as much as anything lead to all of this.
  • In addition to this blog there are numerous, voluminous, journals filled with similar crap. Maybe the creme of the last 15 plus months has ended up here, maybe not.

    Nothing I've written has accomplished anything positive and protestations of telling only the truth have just resulted in more suffering and scorn heaped upon myself.

    At least random quasi anonymous people on the internet are starting to write me with their fantasies involoving Asian women. I was trying to find a portion to quote that wasn't too offensive, but I couldn't. There is already too much drivel on Muskblog.
  • stkeller
    "Anyone who wants to maintain a fascade of normalacy is dellusional and can do so without me."

    Even in your state, I can't help but find you amazingly quotable.
  • stkeller
    Don't be too harsh on these people. Many are embroiled in the challenges of finding and adjusting to new employement and the details of their own lives.

    I too have been horribly negligent in the routine maintenance and repair of my personal connections.

    -Steve
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